Post by Bass on Sept 16, 2019 16:14:22 GMT -8
South City. Commerce, bustling civilization and the epitome of mundane when it comes to Earth's activities as a whole. Well overshadowed by the incredibly adventures performed by the many martial artists that dot the planet, normal life rarely gets any notice except when it gets in the way of calamity or tragedy. Merely seen on the greater scale of things as a series of destructible structures and screams for effect by many of the Villains of the world. It goes without saying that Bass wasn't quite like that. He didn't cherish the thought of murdering every soul in the world, he didn't even consider the idea of wanting to actually kill people outright. If he had to, sure. What he wanted was to dominate the world, not wipe it clean. He just wanted to be at the top, above the Monarch even. Could he do that without being evil? No, not really. Plus, he was namely doing this because of King Piccolo. After all, besides Lite Butta's teachings he had no frame of reference besides the raisin of a Namek. Well, besides just about every facet of boring life- though it was just that, boring.
Now to add to the pile of steaming turd that was his work week, on a Thursday of all days he was confronted with a terrifying reality. He was selected to give Corporate a walk through of the office and all of it's features and cleanliness details. Sure, it was a bit of a pat on the back for his ego considering they only select the companies best performers. Having been what was chalked up to a transfer and not a quitting and rehiring with Momentum, his past experience at Momentum Financial carried over and his actual skill set didn't let that veteran status down. Though it just sucked absolutely donkey poopoo that he had to sit here and wait patiently for these three jacked and slacked goons to stroll on in with aviator shades looking like they're King's of the world. He just wanted to be on a phone screaming at some unfortunate business owner to accept his god damn offer or have their building torn right from it's foundation within twenty four hours. Well, that only happened once. Tediously staring at the door with squinted eyes, he tapped his watch rhythmically and bounced his left leg on his right thigh like a child anxious for a needle.
Not that he'd ever admit he was anxious about this.
Lo and behold the super losers walked through the door, and it was all Bass could do not to have his facial complexion contort into utter boredom and lifelessness. Instead the Mutant Namekian offered a wide and toothy smile with wide eyes and a cheery disposition, stepping forward and shaking each of their hands individually. Sure he wanted to punch their heads clean off and be done with it but if this Corporate Inspection goes amazing he'll get even more leeway to do whatever he wants so long as it gets results and fat stacks for the company. That's what he was betting on, so there was something in this for him. After all how's a martial artist supposed to make a steady living if they don't have a job. Rely on tournaments? Pffft, it's not like he's insecure or anything... But... It's good to have a back-up if he were to lose... Is what he thought. With leeway he could effectively balance martial arts and adventure with occasional work and take on a more managerial role within the branch office here. After all, the old crone that was current branch manager was due to be kicked from her cat-scented office chair. She definitely had like a bajillion cats, Bass could just smell it. "CA-...all it intuition when I say you'd be interested in taking a tour through the normally most hazardous places of the office building first. Our washroom situation, break rooms, that sort of thing. I don't expect you to take my word for it." He'd say with a tilt of his head in the direction he'd start walking in immediately after.
"But they're spotless. I made sure of it myself. Promote me." He said, did that sound too apathetic? No, it got a laugh. More like a chuckle, not a dismissive laugh but more of an assumption of banter and informality. For how formal white collar work was, everyone sure did strive to be informal and diffuse the formality at every available opportunity they had.
"We're considering it actually. Teresa put in her official notice of leave a few days ago at Corporate HQ. Right now we're looking at our top Sales Engineers, and you're sitting on top of the top performers. How do you get that much buzz for the company compared to other people?" Asked one of the Corporate people, a Human that must be in their later thirties or something. Appearing at the bathroom, Bass swung open the door. They'd made sure prior to the meeting time that everyone had done what they needed to do, and then cleaned until the place was spotless. A glistening bathroom straight out of a sci-fi movie, the tiles perfectly white with barely a speck of dirt to be captured by the eye. The Namekian answered.
"Uuuuuh..." How did he actually? Oh well, he'd make up some random crap. "I... Juggle pushing a dialogue with understanding and clarifying any concerns they may have. If it's someone who tells me to buzz off I continue to call them. Since most of our contacts are local, sometimes I take a walk during one of my breaks to beat the life out of them. Hahahahahah!" He said, rubbing the back of his head with a wide smile. They would think he was joking, right? Good, they were laughing. He had stopped, that wasn't a lie. He was something of the neighbourhood super-goon. Only the locals really knew, and they especially knew that if they tried to report the stuff he did that they'd not be able to walk straight for the rest of their lives.
"No, actually I just go there and chat with them." He said, lying through his teeth in a mundane tone of voice.
"So the break room is just as clean if you want to take a detour over this way..." He said, turning down a hall and waving the corporate representatives forward. As soon as they rounded the corner they could see a little alcove in the building that had a few sleeping pods and couches as well as a coffee table stacked with magazines and a... Was that a CUP OF COFFEE? Bass's eyes widened. Rage intensified. Sound drowned out as the anomaly was questioned. There he was, that absolute poop eating bastard no good wheezing turdstain upon the world GREG. "GREG!" He said, making his coworker nearly crap himself as he rounded the corner with a magazine under his arm to head back to the break area. They'd been instructed not to use it, but this knucklehead seemed to have forgotten.
Though this was important, where normally this would be censored with how terrifying it is, Bass let out a sigh as the jets cooled and walked over towards his coworker. Draping an arm over his coworkers shoulder he gave his buddy Greg's far arm a light pat. "How's your break going Greg? Good? Awesome." He would say before letting go. Stunned and almost fixed in place it was only before Bass clutch turned and in doing so bumped Greg towards the couch to continue his break that he actually chose a direction. Turning back towards the Corporate suits, they for the most part bought that his exclamation just now was a warm and happy greeting. After all, it happened so fast and the tapering end of it was so spine-tingling that it was hard to get a certain bead on.
"Right then gentlemen, let's head to the work floor shall we? Right now we just have the first floor consisting of forty chairs and computers in the main area as well as ten offices surrounding that space for management and conferences." He'd say, walking where Greg came from to display the peak of Earthling normalcy, a sales office workspace. Just chairs, computers, cubicles... The beige color tempted Bass to hurl, but the saddest part of it all is that it always did that. Every time, so much so that he never actually hurled anymore because he was used to it.
"It's not pretty, but it's about as much as you can expect out of a workspace for a building our size. Can't afford or can't accommodate the space for luxury workspaces. Just isn't in the budget or the time I suppose. How are the chairs at corporate HQ? With the chairs here I could probably make rectangular molds by sitting down. Chairs are just shy of being pure metal." He said, offering a light smile. Almost a smile of hopelessness, a strange mix in the abyssal canyon of the odd Namekians emotions.
"Well, maybe if your sales margin this quarter has increased we can offer a bit of wiggle room to spice things up around here. We'll have to run it by HQ first of course. Though I don't see any reason with a clear indicator of substantial profits that they would turn the request down. After all, employee satisfaction leads to customer satisfaction."
Bass just nodded, stepping through the cubicles to push open door after door, including poor old Teresa's office which was conveniently out on a lunch break. Running a little late actually. She wasn't told to hide in a closet until they were gone. Why would she be told that? Ahahahahahaha-"-hahahahah!"
He started laughing out loud, shit. He glanced to the side and was asked, "Is something funny Mr. Bass?" He then gulped, squinting as his attention turned forward. "Yes." He stated.
"What?" The suit asked.
"Carl." He looked at Carl, Carl looked at him. He squinted back in return. Every single employee in this office was horrified that it was Bass carrying out the inspection with Corporate today. They believed he was the least qualified and would have their branch shut down. Perhaps they'd be right if Carl didn't figure it out. Though these employees were conditioned to Bass by now. The fire extinguisher tactic was adopted after all, covering for one of his outbursts was normal. Carl spoke up.
"Oh, right. Yeah there was this guy I called this morning. I shared the call with out little group. Couldn't stop laughing. Guess it was some residual giggles." He stated, discretely giving a wink and finger guns towards Bass. Staring down at Carl, Bass gave a nod and smiled. Good, he lives to see tomorrow. A nervous bead of sweat dripped down Carls forehead.
"Huh, maybe you'll have to forward that to HQ huh?" One of the suits said, patting Bass on the back.
"Yeah, sure. Anyways, I think that's it for actual floor space really. Let's go into one of the conference rooms here and I'll give you the rundown for our profits this quarter." As he said that, he led the three Corporate people into one of the doors and flicked on the light. Turning on the projector he opened up the most boring slideshow. A format given by HQ for all of these retarded financial evaluations. If they didn't follow the format their company would just fall flat. That was the philosophy from HQ. Literally anything was more interesting than numbers and stock photo art posted with groups of people smiling. Running them through the full evaluation conducted, the gist of it was that they had a significant profit margin and Corporate ate that up like starving dogs. Could practically see the color returning to those lifeless eyes sitting at the table as he stood in front of them.
"Soooo yep. Now actually, promote me to Branch Manager."
He got a response after a moment.
"Sure, Bass. You start next week."
"Okay, I'm using my vacation days. See you next week. Bye." He said, ushering the three super losers out of the room. Ushering them down the hall, passed the washrooms and into the lobby. Out the door and away. Turning back, he stepped into the building and shouted at the top of his lungs.
"GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"